Bob Finkel's Rolls Royce

by Leonard Buzz Blair

You've seen Bob Finkel's "produced by" credit on some of the top TV productions, including shows starring Perry Como, Dinah Shore, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Pearl Bailey, Jerry Lewis. He's won Emmy's and the Peabody Award. Bob was one of the stars in my class at Carnegie Mellon University.
Bob had a very comfortable income during his glory years. And while he didn't feel it necessary to open a Swiss bank account, his toy of choice was a Rolls Royce ---- the one they call the Silver Cloud; the one they term the ultimate luxury; the one that comes with a jar of Grey Poupon mustard!

It was a day as busy as any other day when the phone rang at Bob's office. Bob's Secretary, unable to stifle her snicker, announced, "A President Richard Cyert. Shall I ask the secretary what's he's president of?" Bob taking his turn-around baseball cap off his head and both feet off his desk, "no, no...no. And put me on first."

Sure enough, it was Richard M. Cyert, president of what Bob later told his secretary, was one of the most prestigious universities in the United States ---- Carnegie Mellon. The president was in Beverly Hills on university business, and would Bob, "happen to be free tomorrow for lunch?" Bob was flattered and perplexed. He accepted. "Fine. fine," Cyert said. "Look forward to seeing you. Beverly Hills Polo Lounge, 12:30."

Let's see, Bob mused Dr. Cyert is either going to hit me up for a donation or maybe, just maybe, to serve on some honorary committee. Whatever. It'll be interesting.

At the Polo Lounge, an attendant gave Bob a greeting that befits Hollywood royalty and parked that stunning Silver Cloud near the entrance in a ritual known as "dressing the house". The only other vehicle near the Rolls Royce was a taxicab for out-of-towners. The president arrived first, as befits a host, and was already seated inside. He missed the pageant of Bob's entrance with his grand Rolls Royce.

At the table, the greeting was cordial, bordering on warm. Cyert stayed well shy of effusiveness in praising Bob's hit shows, "which brought reflected glory to our university." Nevertheless, the direction of this marksman was as true as a thrown javelin. The coup de grace was delivered halfway through coffee. The presidential buildup allowed Bob to eliminate "an honorarium" early on, and to concentrate on a response to a monetary hit. "A parry of $2,500 for openers, a joust at $3,500 and a hard-nosed $5,000 when pinned with both shoulders to the mat? Yeah. That's the course," Bob thought.

The point of the sword struck first. "with your first name, middle initial and last name embedded in Carrara marble over the entrance arch, the same marble Michelangelo used to fashion his 'David' masterpiece, I want you to consider giving the final, big gift which would allow us to write the contract for the completion of the center for the arts building - a gift of ONE million dollars."

Each word seemed a scream that could shatter glass. Bob was stunned. The president picked up the check, and in an effort to stave off a soporific silence, Bob heard himself reply, "One million dollars. Let me...er...let me discuss that with my business manager."

Walking out together, they approached the imposing hotel entryway. Bob darted a glance at his sparkling Rolls Royce Silver Cloud hand-washed that very morning, still parked in the most conspicuous --- the prime spot, dressing the house.

Richard Cyert, president of Carnegie Mellon, discerned discomfort in his luncheon partner. "I am very well aware that one million dollars is a great sum of money, but think of...," With a wave of his hand, Bob poo-poohed the president. "Yes, yes. Let me discuss that with my business manager," he said as he glanced furtively at this Rolls Royce (the one that comes with a jar of Grey Poupon).  President Cyert smiled; they shook hands; and in a bolt of speed, ---- Bob took the taxi home.